CHINA OFFENDED BY AXL ROSE, POUTS IN CORNER OF PLAYGROUND

In a story by The Associated Press, China's ruling Communist Party has taken exception to the long-awaited, near-mythic Guns N' Roses album, "Chinese Democracy," slated to hit store shelves on Sunday.

The album, which has been in production since 1994 (No, no; you read that right), the disc is being seen as an attack upon the Glorious People's Republic of China, where a state-owned paper published an article Monday with the headline, "American band releases album venomously attacking China." Unidentified Chinese Internet users had described the album as part of a plot by some in the West to "grasp and control the world using democracy as a pawn." The album "turns its spear point on China," the article said.

In the Communist Party's defense , the record's title track does include the lyrics, and warns "if your Great Wall rocks blame yourself." And we all know that if there's a man with his finger on the global pulse, with bags and bags of relevancy, and scores of malleable youth hanging on his every word, it's W. Axl Rose.

MALAYSIAN MUSLIMS BAN YOGA; NEXT UP, COMMON SENSE

So it looks like Malaysia's top Islamic group banned Muslims from practicing yoga.

And this is after they banned tomboys.

Apparently the National Fatwa Council's chairman, Abdul Shukor Husin, said that many Muslims don't realize that "the ancient Indian exercise could corrupt them."

Tomboys, in case you were wondering, violate Islam's tenets. And non-Muslims can't use the word "Allah," since that could confuse Muslims.

Ooooooooooooooo-kay.

12 YEAR OLD REVOLUTIONIZES SOLAR CELL, STILL CAN'T GET DATE

But seriously, this story is wonderful. William Yuan, a seventh grader from Portland, Ore., designed a 3-D solar cell that not only absorbs visible light, but also UV rays.

It's refreshing to see things like this. It helps engender confidence in the future of humanity. And I secretly always wanted to be a science prodigy and go off to a specialized school and room with Val Kilmer, like in "Real Genius," and have Jon Gries live in my closet.

'CAUSE IT'S GOOD, THAT'S WHY

Hey, you. Yeah, you four people that check out this blog. You should buy this book. Why? 'Cause it's written by the incredibly gifted Karen Andrews, one of Australia's many talents.

Trust me; Karen has a way with the words. There's an honesty in her work, and not an ounce of pretense. Which is the way it should be.

At the very least, go over and give her blog a look-see. You won' t be disappointed.

THAT'LL WAKE YOU UP IN THE MORNING

So, I found that nothing quite knocks the cobwebs from your head first thing in the a.m. like stepping on a piece of broken glass with a bare foot.

ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS WE PRINT

CNN.com has the recent plane crash in Madrid, Spain as its top, breaking news story of the day. And while that's distressing enough, making things even worse is that a video clip discussing Roseanne Barr's vitriolic comments vilifying Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt (as well as their kids), is also on the front page of the news section, rather than in entertainment. And yesterday, they had a front-page clip about Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer's break up.

I may work in this business we call news, but I'll be darned if I can figure it out some days.

I'LL SEE YOU AT THE DEBATES, BITCHES...

Here then, is the greatest thing Paris Hilton has ever done...and probably ever will. Adam McKay, of funnyordie.com, cobbled together an idea for a response to John McCain's comparing Barack Obama to Paris and Britney Spears. Well, Ms. Hilton agreed to go along for the ride, and it's funny as hell. It also has a pretty sound energy plan.

Here, for your entertainment and edification, courtesy of FunnyorDIE:

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die